Where Is Home, Really?
We’re moving back to Denmark after more than a year of an unplanned break.
→ From Denmark to the Philippines: Fighting for My Children’s Right to Their Culture
In the last few days, Martin and I have been searching for a house to buy, and we couldn’t decide where.
When we first moved to Denmark in 2020, we lived in Hjørring because that’s where his parents are. Eventually, we decided to start fresh in Silkeborg. Part of that decision was intentional—I wanted the fresh start to be for both of us.
Moving to Denmark already meant Martin was returning to something familiar—his childhood environment, his network, his way of life. If we stayed in Hjørring, I felt like he would be continuing his life while I would simply be fitting into it. Choosing a new city felt like a way to level things out, where both of us were starting from zero.
Writing it now sounds a bit absurd, but that was genuinely how I saw it back then.
Silkeborg was beautiful. I met good friends, and life felt new. But then I got unexpectedly pregnant with our third child. Our first two were already just a year apart, and the load was already heavy. A third on the way pushed everything to a point where we had to rethink our setup.
That’s when we decided to move back to Hjørring—not because it was the better city, but because we needed support, and the only family we had in Denmark was there.
Adjusting Expectations
It was the right decision. We saw his parents more, received help, and most importantly, the kids built a closer relationship with them.
But I also had to adjust my expectations.
As a Filipino, I was used to a different kind of support system—one where help is more constant and more embedded in daily life. Here, both parents are working, managing their own responsibilities, and living independently. It’s simply not the same structure.
There were moments when I questioned it. Was it worth moving back for help that comes only a few times a month?
And then there were family gatherings.
To be honest, there are times I would rather stay home—not because I don’t want to see them. Even with my own side of the family, I would probably feel the same. I’m just not naturally a gatherings person. Sometimes I value that quiet time for myself, while the kids enjoy being with their grandparents and Martin gets to spend time with his parents.
Still, those moments matter. There’s something about family that feels different from friendships, no matter how close you are.
Pressing Pause
Fast forward to 2025.
We flew to the Philippines for a two-month vacation and never took the return flight. We gave up our rental, packed our Denmark life into a container, and left it there with the idea that we would return at some point.
Now, more than a year later, we are finally going back. And this time, we get to choose again.
So the question came back—Is Hjørring still the right place for us?
Thinking It Through
Living in Hjørring was good, but I always felt like something was missing. Not because it’s a small city—it’s actually the biggest in that area and has everything we need—but because of accessibility. Aalborg offers more opportunities—jobs, networks, activities—and if we ever needed to rely on the job market again, being closer would give us more flexibility. Even for the kids, as they grow older, it felt like being closer to a bigger city would give them more options.
So we started looking at places like Vodskov, Vestbjerg, Svenstrup, and Støvring—areas that would bring us closer to Aalborg.
But those options came with a trade-off.
Distance from family.
A 30-minute to one-hour drive from Hjørring.
We started asking practical questions. What if we need help? What if someone needs to pick up the kids? What if we slowly become less present in each other’s lives? Still, we tried to justify it. We told ourselves we were making a smarter, more future-proof decision.
What We Missed
As we continued searching, it slowly started dawning on me that I was looking without really knowing what I was looking for. Was I searching because I wanted to buy a nice house, or was I trying to find that feeling of home somewhere else?
What is actually best for the kids? What is best for us as a family?
We were trying to optimize everything—location, schools, streets, convenience—but we were overlooking something we already had.
Martin’s parents know people in Hjørring. They’ve built relationships there over decades—through raising their children, through the kommune, and through everyday life. And without really noticing it, we benefit from that.Those connections show up in small but meaningful ways—referrals, familiarity with systems, and people who already know our family. It’s not something you immediately see, but once you do, you realize how valuable it is.
We didn’t factor that in at all.
The Shift
At some point, my mindset changed.
Instead of thinking that Hjørring is too far from Aalborg, I started seeing that Aalborg is only 40 minutes away, and there’s a reliable train.
The distance wasn’t really the problem. It was the excuse.
If I really wanted to go, I could. I just didn’t.
The same with networks. Instead of trying to find new ones, we realized we already had one—we just hadn’t fully used it.
And then there was the most obvious part.
We have family here.
Where We Are Now
You can live in a great city and still feel something is missing if you’re on your own.
And you can live in a place like Hjørring, which already has everything we need, and feel grounded because you’re surrounded by people who care.
For me, there was also a bigger realization. My side of the family is not in Denmark. So if we choose to live far from the only family we do have here, then what are we really prioritizing?
At this point, we’ve stopped overthinking it as much. We’re focusing on Hjørring. Not because it’s the most strategic choice on paper, but because it’s the one that actually makes sense for our life right now.
And yes, when people ask where we live in Denmark and we say Hjørring, there’s usually that reaction—“Hjørring?”
But for us, it’s not really a question anymore. We know what life looks like there. We know how things work. And more importantly, it already feels like home.
If you’re in a position where you can actually choose where to live—not dictated by work or other constraints—and nothing is making sense, it might help to step back and listen to what actually feels right, without all the noise. The answer is usually already there.
